Stalking is a behavior that consists of harassing or persistently “hounding” a person in an obviously intrusive manner, repeatedly seeking their attention and provoking reactions.
The persistent harasser (stalker) aims to involve the target of their attention in some kind of relationship, which may simply be the relationship created by the harassment itself.
Stalking involves the stalker carrying out a series of initiatives, varied or monotonous, repeatedly and over a prolonged period, remaining unresponsive to the other person’s expressions of annoyance or alarm. The attitude typically oscillates between a “plea” for attention and consideration and an aggressive claim of a right to have a relationship with the victim.
Stalking typically begins with a preliminary phase that is not immediately recognizable, during which the stalker establishes a relationship with the victim through an initially acceptable form of contact, or intensifies an existing friendship based on regular interaction in a real-life setting (for example, at work), expressing positive feelings and attitudes of availability, interest, and friendliness. At a later stage, the stalker attempts to make a “qualitative leap” in the relationship by forcing it beyond its existing boundaries and causing the victim to experience uncertainty, discomfort, or alarm.
The stalker’s insistence is met with rejection or avoidance on the part of the victim, and this is followed by the phase of stalking proper. It is important to note that many relationships progress normally up to this point and then naturally fade away if feelings or expectations are not reciprocated. In stalking, however, the person shows a tendency to become “fixated” on the idea of having a relationship with the other person, even if it is conflictual or outright destructive, as though the relationship were a prerequisite for demonstrating superiority, achieving a conquest, or obtaining a successful vindication of some kind.
Stalking behaviors include telephone calls or contact by email, text message, letter, or other forms of written communication; surveillance and waiting or loitering in places frequented by the person, with the explicit intention of being seen by them; direct contact with the person, often in association with surveillance or waiting nearby, accompanied by proposals of various kinds; actual assaults, sexual or otherwise; and damage to property or to situations involving the person, their pets, or people with whom they have close relationships.
The stalker may be convinced that a relationship exists with the victim on the basis of a delusion, or may simply believe that establishing a relationship is fundamental and must take priority, leading them to persist in demanding one or insisting that an existing relationship not be terminated.
Stalking behavior can be displayed by complete strangers as well as by people with whom the victim has had a more or less close and long-lasting relationship, coworkers, or people met through shared social environments or experiences. The motive may be sexual or erotic, or may involve a sense of grievance based on the belief that the person has suffered wrongs or humiliations. It may also simply involve the belief that one must have a privileged or close relationship with another person, whom the stalker may describe themselves as an admirer or follower of.
Stalkers often threaten their victims, while actual physical assault is less common. The risk of violence is greater when the person is not psychotic (that is, when they are not “inventing” a relationship on the basis of something that does not exist) and when the stalker and victim are “ex-partners,” meaning that they previously dated or had a physical relationship. This applies both at the beginning of stalking and throughout its course.
Responding to the stalker, attempting to reach an agreement, trying to reason with them, or meeting them to discuss the reasons for their actions means creating a “history,” even if that history consists only of confrontations and impossible attempts at clarification. For the stalker, this nevertheless confirms the existence of a relationship or the possibility that such a relationship might exist in the future.
Apologies are a typical example of how the stalker may attempt to construct a relationship with the victim: if the victim accepts the apology, they may inadvertently acknowledge the stalker as someone who has a legitimate standing as a person seeking contact.
Unlike all other forms of unwanted or unreciprocated relationships, persistent or explicit courtship that is not reciprocated and becomes annoying, and occasional harassment, stalking is characterized by its persistence and its potential danger.
Both the victim and the stalker should receive appropriate information—not only of a legal nature but also psychological information—and, where appropriate, treatment. The stalker should receive help in order to avoid becoming trapped in a pattern of behavior that will have serious consequences for them and will not, in any case, enable them to achieve their goal. The victim, obviously, should receive help because of the stress to which they are subjected, and in order to understand how to avoid behaviors that, even in good faith, may aggravate or encourage the stalker’s behavior.