A new way in which emotional disturbances can arise stems from the possibility of interacting virtually.
The virtual dimension is not new, since poetic tradition has always provided examples of how the brain can nurture its own visions, imaginings, and elaborations of people to whom one is attracted or with whom one has fallen in love, more or less superficially, but intensely. Virtual elaboration can grow to the point of surpassing the substance of the real relationship, and there is more. The virtual component has an advantage over the real one: it can be detached from whatever does not conform to the ideal model.
With current technology, what has changed is the speed and immediacy of virtual exchanges. As a result, it is easy for people one has only recently met, and without any direct contact, to seem intense, interesting, and exciting.
Those who use virtual interaction to defraud others rely on the fact that someone will respond to attempts to establish contact, after which they can induce trust or romantic attachment through a mechanism of gratification—making the other person feel unique, special, different from everyone else, almost like an unexpected miracle. The contradiction inherent in never meeting in person is turned into part of the relationship’s uniqueness, so that the person becomes conditioned not to insist on direct contact. They gradually come to accept the absence of direct contact and may eventually experience this very strangeness as an added value: supposedly, proof of a depth of feeling that can withstand the absence of physical contact.
The central issue is not the scam itself, which is in itself rather mundane. The crucial point lies in the victim’s psychological state: they first feel special, and then do not want to stop feeling special, or even to lose that status and cease to be regarded as special.
Here, the mechanisms differ statistically between men and women. Men tend to derive gratification from sexual propositions in any case, although more shy men may also be drawn in by appealing to their emotional side. Women tend to be more responsive to romantic or emotional bait, and the unusual avoidance of direct contact can therefore be more effectively concealed.
Scammers attempt numerous contacts and then select those who respond, identifying the people with whom they can establish a connection, and subsequently subjecting them to a test, typically involving requests for money.
From a psychiatric perspective, the problem usually becomes apparent only toward the end, although there are also cases involving people who are already receiving treatment and can therefore be protected from the situation earlier. When the person begins to suspect that they are being deceived, they may in fact “defend” the scam, because admitting that they were mistaken is difficult and painful. What is at stake is not merely admitting that a scam has occurred, but acknowledging that the dream they had cultivated never existed.
The victim may behave like an “addict,” concealing the extent of the damage in order to continue feeding the mechanism, hoping that the evidence of the scam can somehow be replaced by a new development or renewed promise, something they are still willing to believe in.
Often, the victim continues to refer to the virtual entity to which they have become attached and continues to reason as though they must somehow obtain the satisfaction of making that person return, reveal themselves, or finally bring the romantic story to fruition. They have difficulty starting from the premise that this story simply never existed as a mutually shared relationship.